last nite i can’t sleep.. again. nothing new there i guess. i’m just a full-blown insomniac. but the weird thing was, my heart was like… i dunno how to use the right word.. i was feeling fervent love, but sad at the same time. love is such a wonderful thing.. but somehow it hurts. u wanna be sure to do the right thing everytime, but u just can’t. And i feel like slitting my own tongue when i say something irritating or stupid or dumb coz i didn’t want it to be that way, and it bugs me like hell coz i just can’t help doing something that i hate to do… what am i blabbing on about?

and last nite my housemate announced her engagement. was i happy?? Of course, I was the one who introduced them, and if they find eternal bliss, I get the credit see? But I sure as hell didn’t show much emotion when conveyed the news. Was it resentment? Someone told me that I have resentment for those with better lives. But it wasn’t. I was truly happy for them. Was i hoping for the same result? Not really. I said not really coz of course u want to feel the same way, but humans are just different. Different people achieve different things at separate points of their lives. U can always say that “i wish i’m on that stage” or “i wish i can have that car” or “wish i have a relationship like that” referring to certain persons, but hey, u make ur own way in life, so why want others’? I certainly don’t.

Every little glitch, every small event, affects me. My brain will start rotating, thinking bout things that happened, that would have happened, might haves, and are going to happen.

Maybe I am battery-operated.